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“My husband and I can't seem to agree on anything!”
“You spent how much!?!”
“My wife's parents are driving me crazy!”
”You never listen to me!”
Let's face it―even the best of marriages hit an occasional bump in the road now and then. The secret to marital bliss lies in how you and your spouse handle those bumps. In Happily Ever After, Gary Chapman, the man “who wrote the book” on how to communicate with your spouse, shows couples how to successfully navigate the six most common problems that couples face: fighting fair, negotiating change, managing money, getting along with your in-laws, raising kids, and maintaining a healthy sex life. Drawing on more than 30 years of counseling experience, Dr. Chapman provides real-world examples and practical, battle-tested advice that will help you and your spouse better understand and communicate with each other as well as grow as a couple for many years to come.
- Sales Rank: #247785 in Books
- Brand: Tyndale House Publishers
- Published on: 2011-12-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x 5.50" w x 1.00" l, .85 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
Review
"One of the narrators sounds older, the other younger in this optimistic discussion of common marriage challenges. With appealing voices and natural warmth, they work together seamlessly to offer one of Gary Chapman’s most conversational, friendly guides. Chapman’s self-help books are wonderful examples of how to finesse the dilemma of being positive about change without oversimplifying the process. In this one, he offers proactive steps for resolving conflicts about finances, in-laws, children, sex and affection, housework, and divergent interests and values. Each section contains case studies that flow well into memorable principles and action steps. Reminding us that relationships are important but not effortless, this book will help many listeners learn listen, understand, and be more constructive in their marriages."
T.W. © AudioFile Portland, Maine
From the Back Cover
“My husband and I can’t seem to agree on anything.”
“You spent how much?”
“My wife’s parents are driving me crazy!”
“You never listen to me!”
Let’s face it―even the best of marriages hit an occasional bump in the road now and then. The secret to marital bliss lies in how you and your spouse handle those bumps.
In Happily Ever After, Dr. Gary Chapman, the man who wrote the book on how husbands and wives can effectively love one another, shows couples how to successfully navigate the six most common problems they face: fighting fair, negotiating change, managing money, raising kids, maintaining a healthy sex life, and getting along with in-laws.
Drawing on more than 30 years of counseling experience, Dr. Chapman provides real-world examples and practical, battle-tested advice that will help you and your spouse better understand and communicate with each other . . . and grow as a couple for years to come.
About the Author
El doctor Gary Chapman es el autor del libro y de la serie Los cinco lenguajes del amor, numero 1 en ventas en ingles segun el New York Times. Con mas de 35 anos de experiencia como pastor y consejero matrimonial, ha viajado por todo el mundo impartiendo seminarios.
Gary Chapman (PhD) is the author of the New York Times best-selling The Five Love Languages book and series. With more than thirty-five years of pastoring and marriage counseling experience, he travels the world presenting seminars to couples who want to improve their marriage relationship. He is host of the weekly radio program Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, which airs on more than 250 stations.
Most helpful customer reviews
14 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Marriage Techniques
By S Huber
"Why can't marriage always be like that?" We had just finished watching Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightley on New Years Day and were preparing for bed. My wife was deeply moved by the noble and passionate love of Mr. Darcy that is revealed in the end. I was mildly suspicious that this was a set up to expose my lack of romanticism. "Because it's unsustainable," I stated, a bit too matter-of-factly. This launched a conversation that spanned two nights in which we explored my wife's longing for and my own dismissal of this expression of love. It was a circuitous route, this conversation, but it arrived at a satisfying end. I discovered that I fear romanticism because I feel inept in expressing it. Sue realized that this longing is planted in her soul as something too big for marriage to fill - a longing only God can satisfy.
And this is our marriage - two people who love each other deeply but have much to learn about themselves and each other. Sometimes we stumble over each other's feet, and sometimes into each other's arms. Either way, this is a shared journey. In this case, the vulnerable and risky dialogue that paved the way for mutual insight was more than just dialougue - it was intimacy. One more log on the fire of love. A fire that sometimes blazes and other times smolders.
I have a marriage that most people would envy. It's not perfect, but it is durable. Sixteen years of marriage have weathered this relationship. Through the years our love has been pressed and twisted until well worn. It survived crisis that brought the relationship to the brink and led to a period of brief separation about five years ago. We have fought hard to preserve this union. We have the scars to prove it. But the tattered complexion of our love has resulted in a bond that only shared struggle can account for. There is security in a relationship that has been tested and tried.
I just finished reading Happily Ever After: Six Secrets to a Successful Marriage by Gary Chapman. I was sent a free review copy as part of the Tyndale Bloggers Network. The book is a fairly typical example of the marriage enrichment genre, one of the best I have read. It is organized around six major areas of focus: solving conflicts, negotiating change, handling money, raising children, sex, and in-laws. Each section is then broken down into seven or eight chapters dealing with one component of that topic. The chapters are short and straightforward. There are nuggets of insight that are worthwhile. Examples abound from Chapman's vast experience as a marriage counselor, putting flesh on otherwise theoretical abstracts. Each chapters closes with steps to put into practice what has been covered in the chapter. It's a very good book for what it does.
But this is where my history may cloud my review. I react against the glut of marriage books that focus on techniques. With all the emphasis on techniques, marriage is reduced to a skill set, akin to playing chess. Learn the rules, get some strategy, and you can win. But the hard scrabble of life is more dynamic than a chess game. To make techniques the focal point of the relationship, "the secrets to a successful marriage," is to cheapen the relationship.
Techniques are tools. Tools can be useful. But having the tools doesn't hinder these issues from continuing to infiltrate my marriage. Most of these principles were not new to me. Many of them fall under the heading of common sense. When discussing finances, Chapman instructs the reader to live within their means. In handling conflict he focuses on the importance of listening. This is not novel advice. But even familiar, common sense principles still trip me up. Knowing does not always equate to practicing. What saved my marriage and carried us through was not a battery of techniques. If our fundamental need was for techniques, then Scripture would read more like a marriage enrichment book. Instead, it focuses elsewhere.
So maybe there's just one secret to a successful marriage, though this is no more secret than the six Chapman covers. But indulge me for a moment. Grant me the leeway to unveil it with flourish, as if something new and novel. Gather round as I pull back the curtain on this profound insight. The secret (wink, wink) to a successful marriage is the ardent conviction that marriage is a sacred covenant. It is a holy relationship intended as a model and metaphor of another holy relationship - one even more intimate and hard won. It is a promise before God to be faithful to another. A promise not lightly entered, and not lightly broken. As such, it is worth fighting for. This is what held us together. Even when the relationship itself was quite ugly, we fought to restore it. It was a sacred ugliness that we would not give up on until all options has been exhausted. God honored our perseverance. Techniques were useful in fleshing that out, but always secondary to that bedrock resolve.
Marriage suffers when we downgrade it's holiness. Our rush to techniques feels to me like we are slipping toward this downgrade. Techniques are secondary. A devotion to covenant faithfulness is primary. Keep this in focus and Chapman's book can help fill your tool box. Keep this in focus and you will have a successful marriage. Keep this in focus and even "successful" will seem like a cheap word to attach to marriage. Better, marriage will be holy and blessed; a sacred ugliness transformed into sacred beauty.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Liked it a lot
By J. Volkening
First off, I thought this was a really informative advice with a lot of exercises and how-to so you could actually apply this advice to your life. It can sometimes be frustrating when you get advice from a book but have no idea how to apply it to your life and the book gives no examples.
This book is split up into 6 parts. Part one is 'Everybody Wins: Solving Conflicts without Arguing;. Part two is 'Home Improvements: Negotiating Change with Your Spouse. Part three is, ' Profit Sharing: Making Money an Asset in Your Marriage'. Part four is, 'Now What?: Marriage after the Children Arrive'. Part five is, 'Making Love: Making Sex an Act of Love' and part six is, 'In-Law Relationships: Becoming Friends with Your In-Laws'. Then each section was broken up into different chapters.
While overall this book was very good, I felt like I got tons out of some sections and not a lot out of others. The first section about conflict management was fantastic. It was chock full of advice and how-to and I really got a lot out of it. The section about making love fell completely flat for me. It felt like that section was just saying the same thing over and over in different ways. To be honest about mid way through the section I just started skimming.
One last thing I wanted to talk about was, his other book 'The Five Love Languages' is massively referenced in this book. While he does go over each love language in this book I think reading 'The Five Love Languages' first would probably have helped me more with this book.
Overall a very good read and stuffed with lots of practical advice that can help marriages.
I was given this book to review by Tyndale Publishers for free in exchange for my review. I was not required to give a positive review and all opinions expressed are my own.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Great book for new couples
By Sreenadh
Happily Ever After is a book that helps readers to solve conflicts in their marriage. We must learn to respect and listen to our spouses. We have to give up the selfish attitude and the perception that our point of view is the only correct one. If you want to change your spouse we have to realize we can't change others. The plank must be removed from our only eyes before we try and fix someone else. Gary Chapman encouraged readers to ask their parents, God, in-laws, friends, and their spouses how they could improve their relationship in their marriage. This is where you can see your flaws and the issues that you may have that hinder your relationships from growing. Then you must work to fix the issues that you find.
An important part of the book is finding out your love language. The five love languages are gifts, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. The book will describe and give an example of how each love languages work. Once you find how you receive and feel loved you need to discover your spouse’s love language. Then if you have children you may want to find out how your children receive and feel loved. This section will greatly mend your relationships.
Happily Ever After is divided into six parts, “Everybody Wins”, “Home Improvements”, Profits Sharing”, “Now What?”, “Making Love”, and “In-Law Relationships”.
Gary Chapman has also included discussion questions at the end of each chapter. The questions will help you to dig deeper into the book.
I would recommend this wonderful marriage book to improve and fix broken marriages. Anyone can benefit from learning their love language, their spouses, and their children love language. The book has provided me with great resources and ideas to resolve conflicts in my relationships. I have learned that I must fix and change myself before I try changing others. I am the only one that I can control. I can’t control others and their opinions. It’s important to stop arguing and listen to the other persons concerns. Marriage isn’t about being always right it’s about coming together for peace and harmony. Making love isn’t about just having sex it’s about showing each other love and respect. We have to learn to listen closely and understand how the other person feels and thinks. If you will apply these six secrets to your marriage it will change your marriage for the better. I am not married yet but when I am, I will be rereading this book to help me in my marriage. This is a great book to give to couples who are getting married or already married! I would also encourage both spouses to read the book together it help you in your marriage. Learn to enjoy each other!
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